The holidays

I know it's the most wonderful time of the year. Lately there are so moments where I have not felt that way at all. I should be on a serious study schedule for PMP exam I have in a few weeks. I have started a serious habit of procrastination. That is not good. I have invested $$ on the exam and the exam prep class. Things really start to hit me at night, when I'm getting ready for bed. I wish that i wasn't a party of 1. I wish I was at least in a relationship where i had someone to spend the holidays with. a really good friend of mine told me that I have chosen to be a party of 1. That's true. I have opted to not be in a relationship where the other person was DEPENDENT on me. Last night, emotions just hit me like a hurricane force wind. I eventually was able to go to sleep. I woke up drained and tired and still kinda down in the dumps. I thought about re-connecting with my therapist. I think I really should because it will probably only get worse as Christmas and New Year's gets closer.