Sunday, September 18, 2011

A feeling

I've been feeling like I'm going through a life crisis. I don't like things in my life. I have a job not a career. I'm single and I wish I at least had a boyfriend and not men who only seem interested in sex and non-communicative and undependable. I hate living check to check.

About 10 days ago, I cut my hair. I mean I CUT my hair. The main reason is I want a change in my life. I want a complete makeover. The hair is the beginning. I want to get this weight off. I want to fall in love, be held, kissed, made love to, holding hands. Yeah I know it sounds very storybook but it's the truth. I've had it before back back back back in the day. I know what it feels like.

How does it happen? The hell if I know. What i do know if i can work on the weigh and career change. That's where I will start.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Old Navy tank

I love Crowdtap. It is one of my favorite websites. The lastest product sample was Old Navy Trimmed tank. I can't wait to wear it.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Easter weekend

I truly believe I suffer some form of depression because it turns up on holidays. All weekend I kept thinking how nice it would be if I was spending my holiday with a boyfriend/husband. There is "someone" in the picture but it isn't a bona fide relationship. I can't even decscribe it. Which is why I started online dating about 6 weeks ago. I feel that I am ready to settle down with the one that God has just for me.

Today it hit me hard for some reason. As I was driving to morning worship service, I keep thinking how nice it would have been if I were going with my husband or serious boyfriend. keep thinking about it even at church and after church and at Easter dinner.

Almost a year + ago my 2nd mother was trying to "fix" me up with her mailman. I haven't dated anyone since Fleming so I was open to the possibility. We talked, texted. Made plans to get together, they didn't happen. Finally met him at my birthday dinner. We never went on a date. I figured he wasn't interested, who knows, i am not an expert on men at all. Today i was confirmed in a suspicion that he may be interested in someone else. I guess that I never knew why nothing truly happened with us, it came as a surprise. It added to my holiday singleness loneliness depression. I have great friends and family but I just don't feel I could talk to anyone because I know they will tell me to pray about it and the Lord will make a way. I do believe that, truly I do but it doesn't stop the tears from falling bc i'm a big emotional cry baby. I just wonder when will it be my time. That's why i believe i suffer from some sort of depression. In the back of my mind, I wonder am I meant to be alone. I really hope and pray not because I have so much love in my heart to give. As I was holding the baby this afternoon, it felt so good and so natural until she spit up on me. The all the babies at church were so cute and sometimes i just want one. It's more than that, it's about having someone in my life to share it with, that's what I really want.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

3 day weekend

I have a 3 day weekend ahead of me. I also have a wonderful head cold to go along with it. Being sick sucks. I've been self-medicating for the last few days. I went to bed last night around 9ish and woke up this morning around 8ish. That's about 11 hours of sleep. OMG!
I figure I will take this time to make some plans/goals for 2011.

#1 on my list is to get a handle on my financial situation
#2 develop my photography hobby into a viable business
#3 become more committed to losing weight and eating healthy