maternal yearning

It hit me again this evening while I was grocery shopping tonight for dinner. I was in the produce section and a lady passed by me with a little girl in her cart. She was so cute and she smiled at me. I smiled back. She kept smiling. The yearning for children caused me to follow her with smile until she was no longer in my direct line of sight. Then I continued on my journey to pick up items to make dinner. I run into her and her mom and sister in the meat section. She smiles at me again. I'm in love with the idea of having kids and having that person love me unconditionally. Then I almost get run down by 2 kids who decide to have recess in the grocery store. I think that the cute babies turn into them and then they turn into moody teenagers i.e. my niece and myself 20 + years ago. I don't care, I still want kids of my own and a husband of course.

new outlook on life

I have decided to allow myself to have a new outlook on life. Instead of thinking about how long it's been since i've been in a relationship, been kissed, had sex. I will anticipate when it will happen with my husband that God has designed just for me. I have faith and I believe that he is out there waiting for me just as I am waiting for him. This time right now is my "In the Meantime" to work on issues in my life. There are plenty of them.

I have also decided to put myself back on the online dating market. I have re-activated my profile on BlackPeopleMeet.com. I have started a subscription so I can have communication with users. We'll see how it goes.

Today was an BUSY day for me. It started off with the breast cancer walk with my fellow Curvettes. That was fun. I was glad it was over. I keep thinking to myself when I'm out there struggling through the 3.1 miles, how will I ever add 10 more to it and do a half-marathon. I know that's just the devil telling me I can't do it and "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

After the walk, I hit the house to change and head to St. Aug Homecoming for tailgating. As I sat around with friends, I noticed as always that it was all single women in our group. Some are mothers and some have never had children including myself. After tailgating, we met up tonight to keep the party going at Champps. I can count the # of men in there on 1 hand, seriously. I was looking extra good tonight but not enough men to take notice. We had a great time but expected a much bigger crowd. I'm happy we chose the $10 party and not the $25 party. They would have gone to the higher costing party and I would have been home making it a netflix night.

It is 2:03 in the morning and I am wide awake like it's 2:03 in the afternoon. That's what happens when you get energized and buzzed from 2 drinks, food, dancing and having a good time. I do need to go get some shut eye because I am planning to make it to PinkFest. I'm going against my upbringing by going out on a Saturday night and not going to church on Sunday morning. Life will go on :-)