I am a hopeless romantic. I believe I was probably born this way. I have always been fond of romance novels. When I discovered the black line of romance novels I was hook, line and sinker. I am a HUGE fan of romance movies AKA chick flicks. Today I watched "The Lucky One", movie based on the book by Nicholas Sparks. I LOVE his books and the movies based on them. My #1 FAV is "The Notebook". I cry every time I watch it.
Today as I watched the movie I wondered is it too late for me? Has love passed me by? Has having a family of my own passed me by? Have I turned into an old-maid as I am slowly creeping up on 40. I know many would say "Jo you have plenty of time." Which some days I believe. Late at night when I am in bed trying to call it a night, my mind wanders through those questions. I think that my time has passed.
I have felt love in my life. It was awhile ago. I enjoy the memories of it. I desire to have love in my life again. I have no idea when or where it will happen. Up until last fall, my last relationship ended in 2005. Ironically, last fall I started dating the same man from my very "last" relationship. I did not feel for him as he felt for me. I would have doubts that he was truly the "one". We ended it not too long into the new year.
I have contemplated online dating again for the umpteenth time. Back when it was very taboo about 14 years ago, I was successful at meeting men and dating. My last few times I couldn't buy a date. Lord have mercy have I turned into a leper or something. I mean seriously I really don't know what it takes to find the "one" you are meant to be with. I've been praying about it for a very long time. If I didn't know any better I think God has closed his ears to me. I know that I am wrong for even thinking that aloud but when you have gone for almost 6 years with no real meaningful relationship what else can you think.I will not accept that fact that I am meant to be alone. No I will not. I am so tired of being "party of 1". Yes I enjoy my life. I would love to share it with the "one" and have a family together. Seriously is that asking a lot. I don't think so but what do I know I'm just a big ole romantic who wants to be swept off her feet. Yeah I've probably watched too many movies and ready too many books. SUE me :-)
Friday, April 20, 2012
Sunday, September 18, 2011
A feeling
I've been feeling like I'm going through a life crisis. I don't like things in my life. I have a job not a career. I'm single and I wish I at least had a boyfriend and not men who only seem interested in sex and non-communicative and undependable. I hate living check to check.
About 10 days ago, I cut my hair. I mean I CUT my hair. The main reason is I want a change in my life. I want a complete makeover. The hair is the beginning. I want to get this weight off. I want to fall in love, be held, kissed, made love to, holding hands. Yeah I know it sounds very storybook but it's the truth. I've had it before back back back back in the day. I know what it feels like.
How does it happen? The hell if I know. What i do know if i can work on the weigh and career change. That's where I will start.
About 10 days ago, I cut my hair. I mean I CUT my hair. The main reason is I want a change in my life. I want a complete makeover. The hair is the beginning. I want to get this weight off. I want to fall in love, be held, kissed, made love to, holding hands. Yeah I know it sounds very storybook but it's the truth. I've had it before back back back back in the day. I know what it feels like.
How does it happen? The hell if I know. What i do know if i can work on the weigh and career change. That's where I will start.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Old Navy tank
I love Crowdtap. It is one of my favorite websites. The lastest product sample was Old Navy Trimmed tank. I can't wait to wear it.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Easter weekend
I truly believe I suffer some form of depression because it turns up on holidays. All weekend I kept thinking how nice it would be if I was spending my holiday with a boyfriend/husband. There is "someone" in the picture but it isn't a bona fide relationship. I can't even decscribe it. Which is why I started online dating about 6 weeks ago. I feel that I am ready to settle down with the one that God has just for me.
Today it hit me hard for some reason. As I was driving to morning worship service, I keep thinking how nice it would have been if I were going with my husband or serious boyfriend. keep thinking about it even at church and after church and at Easter dinner.
Almost a year + ago my 2nd mother was trying to "fix" me up with her mailman. I haven't dated anyone since Fleming so I was open to the possibility. We talked, texted. Made plans to get together, they didn't happen. Finally met him at my birthday dinner. We never went on a date. I figured he wasn't interested, who knows, i am not an expert on men at all. Today i was confirmed in a suspicion that he may be interested in someone else. I guess that I never knew why nothing truly happened with us, it came as a surprise. It added to my holiday singleness loneliness depression. I have great friends and family but I just don't feel I could talk to anyone because I know they will tell me to pray about it and the Lord will make a way. I do believe that, truly I do but it doesn't stop the tears from falling bc i'm a big emotional cry baby. I just wonder when will it be my time. That's why i believe i suffer from some sort of depression. In the back of my mind, I wonder am I meant to be alone. I really hope and pray not because I have so much love in my heart to give. As I was holding the baby this afternoon, it felt so good and so natural until she spit up on me. The all the babies at church were so cute and sometimes i just want one. It's more than that, it's about having someone in my life to share it with, that's what I really want.
Today it hit me hard for some reason. As I was driving to morning worship service, I keep thinking how nice it would have been if I were going with my husband or serious boyfriend. keep thinking about it even at church and after church and at Easter dinner.
Almost a year + ago my 2nd mother was trying to "fix" me up with her mailman. I haven't dated anyone since Fleming so I was open to the possibility. We talked, texted. Made plans to get together, they didn't happen. Finally met him at my birthday dinner. We never went on a date. I figured he wasn't interested, who knows, i am not an expert on men at all. Today i was confirmed in a suspicion that he may be interested in someone else. I guess that I never knew why nothing truly happened with us, it came as a surprise. It added to my holiday singleness loneliness depression. I have great friends and family but I just don't feel I could talk to anyone because I know they will tell me to pray about it and the Lord will make a way. I do believe that, truly I do but it doesn't stop the tears from falling bc i'm a big emotional cry baby. I just wonder when will it be my time. That's why i believe i suffer from some sort of depression. In the back of my mind, I wonder am I meant to be alone. I really hope and pray not because I have so much love in my heart to give. As I was holding the baby this afternoon, it felt so good and so natural until she spit up on me. The all the babies at church were so cute and sometimes i just want one. It's more than that, it's about having someone in my life to share it with, that's what I really want.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
3 day weekend
I have a 3 day weekend ahead of me. I also have a wonderful head cold to go along with it. Being sick sucks. I've been self-medicating for the last few days. I went to bed last night around 9ish and woke up this morning around 8ish. That's about 11 hours of sleep. OMG!
I figure I will take this time to make some plans/goals for 2011.
#1 on my list is to get a handle on my financial situation
#2 develop my photography hobby into a viable business
#3 become more committed to losing weight and eating healthy
I figure I will take this time to make some plans/goals for 2011.
#1 on my list is to get a handle on my financial situation
#2 develop my photography hobby into a viable business
#3 become more committed to losing weight and eating healthy
Monday, October 25, 2010
maternal yearning
It hit me again this evening while I was grocery shopping tonight for dinner. I was in the produce section and a lady passed by me with a little girl in her cart. She was so cute and she smiled at me. I smiled back. She kept smiling. The yearning for children caused me to follow her with smile until she was no longer in my direct line of sight. Then I continued on my journey to pick up items to make dinner. I run into her and her mom and sister in the meat section. She smiles at me again. I'm in love with the idea of having kids and having that person love me unconditionally. Then I almost get run down by 2 kids who decide to have recess in the grocery store. I think that the cute babies turn into them and then they turn into moody teenagers i.e. my niece and myself 20 + years ago. I don't care, I still want kids of my own and a husband of course.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
new outlook on life
I have decided to allow myself to have a new outlook on life. Instead of thinking about how long it's been since i've been in a relationship, been kissed, had sex. I will anticipate when it will happen with my husband that God has designed just for me. I have faith and I believe that he is out there waiting for me just as I am waiting for him. This time right now is my "In the Meantime" to work on issues in my life. There are plenty of them.
I have also decided to put myself back on the online dating market. I have re-activated my profile on BlackPeopleMeet.com. I have started a subscription so I can have communication with users. We'll see how it goes.
Today was an BUSY day for me. It started off with the breast cancer walk with my fellow Curvettes. That was fun. I was glad it was over. I keep thinking to myself when I'm out there struggling through the 3.1 miles, how will I ever add 10 more to it and do a half-marathon. I know that's just the devil telling me I can't do it and "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
After the walk, I hit the house to change and head to St. Aug Homecoming for tailgating. As I sat around with friends, I noticed as always that it was all single women in our group. Some are mothers and some have never had children including myself. After tailgating, we met up tonight to keep the party going at Champps. I can count the # of men in there on 1 hand, seriously. I was looking extra good tonight but not enough men to take notice. We had a great time but expected a much bigger crowd. I'm happy we chose the $10 party and not the $25 party. They would have gone to the higher costing party and I would have been home making it a netflix night.
It is 2:03 in the morning and I am wide awake like it's 2:03 in the afternoon. That's what happens when you get energized and buzzed from 2 drinks, food, dancing and having a good time. I do need to go get some shut eye because I am planning to make it to PinkFest. I'm going against my upbringing by going out on a Saturday night and not going to church on Sunday morning. Life will go on :-)
I have also decided to put myself back on the online dating market. I have re-activated my profile on BlackPeopleMeet.com. I have started a subscription so I can have communication with users. We'll see how it goes.
Today was an BUSY day for me. It started off with the breast cancer walk with my fellow Curvettes. That was fun. I was glad it was over. I keep thinking to myself when I'm out there struggling through the 3.1 miles, how will I ever add 10 more to it and do a half-marathon. I know that's just the devil telling me I can't do it and "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
After the walk, I hit the house to change and head to St. Aug Homecoming for tailgating. As I sat around with friends, I noticed as always that it was all single women in our group. Some are mothers and some have never had children including myself. After tailgating, we met up tonight to keep the party going at Champps. I can count the # of men in there on 1 hand, seriously. I was looking extra good tonight but not enough men to take notice. We had a great time but expected a much bigger crowd. I'm happy we chose the $10 party and not the $25 party. They would have gone to the higher costing party and I would have been home making it a netflix night.
It is 2:03 in the morning and I am wide awake like it's 2:03 in the afternoon. That's what happens when you get energized and buzzed from 2 drinks, food, dancing and having a good time. I do need to go get some shut eye because I am planning to make it to PinkFest. I'm going against my upbringing by going out on a Saturday night and not going to church on Sunday morning. Life will go on :-)
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