Old Navy tank

I love Crowdtap. It is one of my favorite websites. The lastest product sample was Old Navy Trimmed tank. I can't wait to wear it.

Easter weekend

I truly believe I suffer some form of depression because it turns up on holidays. All weekend I kept thinking how nice it would be if I was spending my holiday with a boyfriend/husband. There is "someone" in the picture but it isn't a bona fide relationship. I can't even decscribe it. Which is why I started online dating about 6 weeks ago. I feel that I am ready to settle down with the one that God has just for me.

Today it hit me hard for some reason. As I was driving to morning worship service, I keep thinking how nice it would have been if I were going with my husband or serious boyfriend. keep thinking about it even at church and after church and at Easter dinner.

Almost a year + ago my 2nd mother was trying to "fix" me up with her mailman. I haven't dated anyone since Fleming so I was open to the possibility. We talked, texted. Made plans to get together, they didn't happen. Finally met him at my birthday dinner. We never went on a date. I figured he wasn't interested, who knows, i am not an expert on men at all. Today i was confirmed in a suspicion that he may be interested in someone else. I guess that I never knew why nothing truly happened with us, it came as a surprise. It added to my holiday singleness loneliness depression. I have great friends and family but I just don't feel I could talk to anyone because I know they will tell me to pray about it and the Lord will make a way. I do believe that, truly I do but it doesn't stop the tears from falling bc i'm a big emotional cry baby. I just wonder when will it be my time. That's why i believe i suffer from some sort of depression. In the back of my mind, I wonder am I meant to be alone. I really hope and pray not because I have so much love in my heart to give. As I was holding the baby this afternoon, it felt so good and so natural until she spit up on me. The all the babies at church were so cute and sometimes i just want one. It's more than that, it's about having someone in my life to share it with, that's what I really want.

3 day weekend

I have a 3 day weekend ahead of me. I also have a wonderful head cold to go along with it. Being sick sucks. I've been self-medicating for the last few days. I went to bed last night around 9ish and woke up this morning around 8ish. That's about 11 hours of sleep. OMG!
I figure I will take this time to make some plans/goals for 2011.

#1 on my list is to get a handle on my financial situation
#2 develop my photography hobby into a viable business
#3 become more committed to losing weight and eating healthy

maternal yearning

It hit me again this evening while I was grocery shopping tonight for dinner. I was in the produce section and a lady passed by me with a little girl in her cart. She was so cute and she smiled at me. I smiled back. She kept smiling. The yearning for children caused me to follow her with smile until she was no longer in my direct line of sight. Then I continued on my journey to pick up items to make dinner. I run into her and her mom and sister in the meat section. She smiles at me again. I'm in love with the idea of having kids and having that person love me unconditionally. Then I almost get run down by 2 kids who decide to have recess in the grocery store. I think that the cute babies turn into them and then they turn into moody teenagers i.e. my niece and myself 20 + years ago. I don't care, I still want kids of my own and a husband of course.

new outlook on life

I have decided to allow myself to have a new outlook on life. Instead of thinking about how long it's been since i've been in a relationship, been kissed, had sex. I will anticipate when it will happen with my husband that God has designed just for me. I have faith and I believe that he is out there waiting for me just as I am waiting for him. This time right now is my "In the Meantime" to work on issues in my life. There are plenty of them.

I have also decided to put myself back on the online dating market. I have re-activated my profile on BlackPeopleMeet.com. I have started a subscription so I can have communication with users. We'll see how it goes.

Today was an BUSY day for me. It started off with the breast cancer walk with my fellow Curvettes. That was fun. I was glad it was over. I keep thinking to myself when I'm out there struggling through the 3.1 miles, how will I ever add 10 more to it and do a half-marathon. I know that's just the devil telling me I can't do it and "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

After the walk, I hit the house to change and head to St. Aug Homecoming for tailgating. As I sat around with friends, I noticed as always that it was all single women in our group. Some are mothers and some have never had children including myself. After tailgating, we met up tonight to keep the party going at Champps. I can count the # of men in there on 1 hand, seriously. I was looking extra good tonight but not enough men to take notice. We had a great time but expected a much bigger crowd. I'm happy we chose the $10 party and not the $25 party. They would have gone to the higher costing party and I would have been home making it a netflix night.

It is 2:03 in the morning and I am wide awake like it's 2:03 in the afternoon. That's what happens when you get energized and buzzed from 2 drinks, food, dancing and having a good time. I do need to go get some shut eye because I am planning to make it to PinkFest. I'm going against my upbringing by going out on a Saturday night and not going to church on Sunday morning. Life will go on :-)

My Review of Moving Comfort Women's MCW Workout Capri - Plus Size

Originally submitted at Sun & Ski Sports

This super soft capri matches the quiet heart of a workout warrior. Both gentle and fierce, we like how it fits in perfectly whether you're joining friends for a beautiful spring run or hot yoga.

Moving Comfort Women's MCW Workout Capri - Plus Size

Best capris I've ever worn

By Johanna the plus size runner from Raleigh, NC on 9/30/2010

 

5out of 5

Fit: Feels true to size

Pros: Comfortable, Lightweight, Durable, Breathable, Allows Free Movement

Best Uses: Casual Wear, Running, Warm Weather, Competition

Describe Yourself: Avid Athlete

Was this a gift?: No

I was looking for a pair of capri to wear when I run. I am a fan of Moving Comfort products. I was excited to find them on this site for a cheaper price than the manufacture site. They fit great. They perform well while running. I can't wait to order another pair in a different color.

(legalese)

Marriage

Today I had a very interesting conversation with a co-worker. He told me he has been married for 20 years and 20 years too long. He told me he's waiting for his youngest son to go to college and then he's leaving his wife. Me being a single woman who prays for my husband every day this comes as a surprise. Granted I don't have any experience of marriage except for being engaged and having a dress and veil buried in my closet for the last 10 years. That's another story. Other experience is my parents being married for 38 years.

I ask him what happened. He told me the love and passion are just gone. Once he leaves his wife, he has not intention of getting married again.

It makes me wonder is it possible in this day of age to have a happy and lasting marriage. The first wedding I was a bridesmaid in, ended after 7 years. Another wedding I was a participant in, after 9 years it's on it's way to the court house.

I ask the ? "Can a marriage last in this day and age?"