Today I had a very interesting conversation with a co-worker. He told me he has been married for 20 years and 20 years too long. He told me he's waiting for his youngest son to go to college and then he's leaving his wife. Me being a single woman who prays for my husband every day this comes as a surprise. Granted I don't have any experience of marriage except for being engaged and having a dress and veil buried in my closet for the last 10 years. That's another story. Other experience is my parents being married for 38 years.
I ask him what happened. He told me the love and passion are just gone. Once he leaves his wife, he has not intention of getting married again.
It makes me wonder is it possible in this day of age to have a happy and lasting marriage. The first wedding I was a bridesmaid in, ended after 7 years. Another wedding I was a participant in, after 9 years it's on it's way to the court house.
I ask the ? "Can a marriage last in this day and age?"
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Saturday night special
Sometimes I don't appreciate the little things in life. A friend said to me today "What would it be like to go sit at a bar and appreciate the bar atmosphere?" This is what I was planning to do tonight. I told her well that's my life. I never think about not being able to go out as I please without worrying about others. That's the thing about being single. You always just get up and go as you please. You think no more about it. Every now and then you are reminded that others who are married with children don't have the same options. As I yearn to join the ranks of married people, I know my life would be completely different than it is now.
For the last 5.5 years I have been single, not dating or in a relationship. For some bizarre reason it is not easy to find a boyfriend these days.
"Why couldn't it all be so simple" sings Lauryn Hill. "You rather make it hard"
This week I have decided to stop trying to communicate with someone my 2nd mother has been trying for weeks now to matchmaker with me. I believe the man should court the woman and not the other way around. Maybe I'm old school like that. We've talked on the phone like twice. Texting is the main source of communication. I met him sort of at my birthday dinner a week ago. Actually talked to him for a little while last Sunday. That's the last I've heard from him. I've txt, left vmx. No response. I'm not a rocket scientist but I get the hint. I just don't understand men. Why even waste my time if you don't plan on putting in time in to get to know someone before you just walk away or whatever you want to call it. I wish I could fastforward to my next relationship already. This dating/meeting someone/getting to know you bs is 4 the freaking birds.
For the last 5.5 years I have been single, not dating or in a relationship. For some bizarre reason it is not easy to find a boyfriend these days.
"Why couldn't it all be so simple" sings Lauryn Hill. "You rather make it hard"
This week I have decided to stop trying to communicate with someone my 2nd mother has been trying for weeks now to matchmaker with me. I believe the man should court the woman and not the other way around. Maybe I'm old school like that. We've talked on the phone like twice. Texting is the main source of communication. I met him sort of at my birthday dinner a week ago. Actually talked to him for a little while last Sunday. That's the last I've heard from him. I've txt, left vmx. No response. I'm not a rocket scientist but I get the hint. I just don't understand men. Why even waste my time if you don't plan on putting in time in to get to know someone before you just walk away or whatever you want to call it. I wish I could fastforward to my next relationship already. This dating/meeting someone/getting to know you bs is 4 the freaking birds.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
35th Birthday
Today is the national holiday AKA my birthday. I enjoyed it. Not as much as I normally would. That's primarily because my body was recovering from another bout with my stomach. My stomach had the worst timing in the world. It put a slight change in my original plans. Plans are made to be broken.
I did get to celebrate my birthday with friends and family at my birthday dinner. We ended up at Chili's instead of Olive Garden. I had an inkling for Italian and initially thought of Maagiano's and should have stayed with that choice. Next year!!
As I age each year, I come to really appreciate sharing my birthday with friends and family here in Raleigh. I heard from my family back home even my sister called to give me birthday well wishes. I heard from everyone in my immediate family except for my dad. I'm slightly surprised because he normally is reminded after my mom tells him.
I'm already thinking about next year's celebrations. Party or not to party. Trip or not to trip. I'm thinking birthday trip overseas. Yeah!!
As I drove home from the restaurant, I was proud of myself for not being sad that I was coming home to an empty house on another birthday. I have accepted the single life on some levels. I still pray that this time next year, I will share my birthday with someone special. I truly believe he is out there looking for me just as I hard as I am looking for him.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
7 days until my 35th birthday
Today is August 14 and my birthday is in 7 days. I am real big on birthdays. I LOVE them. I have always believed they should be celebrated as national holidays because it is the day God blessed the world with your birth.
Traditionally, I celebrate my birthday with a dinner with friends/family. This year I'm a week away and haven't planned anything. You may ask why? The only reason is because for the past few months a rekindling of an old acquaintance from high school has me wanting to do something different for my birthday. He just informed me that he may not be able to get off from work to visit for my birthday. It's still up in the air. That has my plans in a hold pattern.
I sit here looking down at my birthday in one week, I'm not sure what I will do. The #1 thing I wanted to do and may still do is attend the Budweiser Superfest concert in Greensboro featuring Jaheim, Anthony Hamilton, Kem and Raheem Devaughn. I'll give it until Monday and then make my final decision on the concert. I'm not opposed to going by myself. I've gotten pretty used to flying solo. I would prefer to go with him but life doesn't work out the way you want all the time.
I may still do my birthday dinner on Friday if I go to the concert on Greensboro. I've been searching online for a birthday dress. I have become in love with the color purple. I found a purple maxi dress online. A little on the pricey side but I'm willing to shell out for it bc it's not everyday you turn 35.
As I sit at home on a Saturday night a little inebriated from the homemade pina colodas which I had 2, I wish that I wasn't home alone. Is it too much to ask to have a boyfriend that you spend time with? I won't get on my soapbox about men/dating/relationships. For some reason God has decided that I am not to be in a relationship at the moment. I think back to my last relationship which was over 5 1/2 years ago. That just made me depressed.
I do believe that I am not meant to live my life alone. I just wish I would meet him already. I know things happen according to God's timetable and not mine.
Traditionally, I celebrate my birthday with a dinner with friends/family. This year I'm a week away and haven't planned anything. You may ask why? The only reason is because for the past few months a rekindling of an old acquaintance from high school has me wanting to do something different for my birthday. He just informed me that he may not be able to get off from work to visit for my birthday. It's still up in the air. That has my plans in a hold pattern.
I sit here looking down at my birthday in one week, I'm not sure what I will do. The #1 thing I wanted to do and may still do is attend the Budweiser Superfest concert in Greensboro featuring Jaheim, Anthony Hamilton, Kem and Raheem Devaughn. I'll give it until Monday and then make my final decision on the concert. I'm not opposed to going by myself. I've gotten pretty used to flying solo. I would prefer to go with him but life doesn't work out the way you want all the time.
I may still do my birthday dinner on Friday if I go to the concert on Greensboro. I've been searching online for a birthday dress. I have become in love with the color purple. I found a purple maxi dress online. A little on the pricey side but I'm willing to shell out for it bc it's not everyday you turn 35.
As I sit at home on a Saturday night a little inebriated from the homemade pina colodas which I had 2, I wish that I wasn't home alone. Is it too much to ask to have a boyfriend that you spend time with? I won't get on my soapbox about men/dating/relationships. For some reason God has decided that I am not to be in a relationship at the moment. I think back to my last relationship which was over 5 1/2 years ago. That just made me depressed.
I do believe that I am not meant to live my life alone. I just wish I would meet him already. I know things happen according to God's timetable and not mine.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
34 3/4, single, no kids
Today is the first of August which means my birthday is in 20 days in which I will be 35. As I was at church this morning, I noticed a female toddler behind me. She was so cute and a true handful for her mother. As I do when I see kids, the yearning inside of me grows. I thought to myself if I were to have children in the next year(assuming I meet and get married before then), when the child turns 15, I will be 50. I really began to wonder if my time for having children has passed me by. That thought will hit me hard and made me straight up DEPRESSED.
As I was headed to a birthday dinner for my mother away from mother, I was talking to my BFF about my thoughts on children. She asked me if I wanted kids, I told her I do and how I'm thinking my time may have passed. She told me "Jo you can always adopt and you can have Naish."
That is the typical response I received from my friends who are parents, "you can just have my kids." Yes that's exactly what I want. NOT!!
A few years back I had made a goal/plan that by the time I hit 35, if I was not married, I would adopt. Well 35 is in 20 days. Here's the thing, I always thought I would be raising children with a husband. I haven't given up on the husband so I shouldn't give up on being married and having children. I know something needs to happen soon if I truly believe my time is up.
Too bad I can't wish for a husband. :-)
Then again what's the saying "be careful what you wish for"
As I was headed to a birthday dinner for my mother away from mother, I was talking to my BFF about my thoughts on children. She asked me if I wanted kids, I told her I do and how I'm thinking my time may have passed. She told me "Jo you can always adopt and you can have Naish."
That is the typical response I received from my friends who are parents, "you can just have my kids." Yes that's exactly what I want. NOT!!
A few years back I had made a goal/plan that by the time I hit 35, if I was not married, I would adopt. Well 35 is in 20 days. Here's the thing, I always thought I would be raising children with a husband. I haven't given up on the husband so I shouldn't give up on being married and having children. I know something needs to happen soon if I truly believe my time is up.
Too bad I can't wish for a husband. :-)
Then again what's the saying "be careful what you wish for"
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Corporate America
Today I truly understood why some people have decided to leave the world of corporate America, step out on faith and open their own business. If I was financial able, translation little to no debt, I would have done it today.
Reason 1. I took a work call today that the caller accused me of calling him a liar, i had not felt my heartbeat that hard in my life that i am still shaken up from the call. Reason 2. About a week go, my manager informed me that I should remove my Langston Hughes quote from my work email signature because it did go well with the company logo right beside it. Reason 3. During my mid-year review today, my manager informed that concerns had been brought to her attention that my screensaver of "The Wire" was offensive and made people make certain assumptions about me.
I will admit the screensaver may have some graphic scenes on it, as a dutiful and compliant worker bee who still needs the paycheck that pays her living expenses, I changed the screensaver to a work related one that I had previously downloaded.
After my review, I pondered the true nature in this rat race we work in called corporate America. I am the product of a revoluntionist aka Rev. Frederick G. Outlaw. I keep it deep seated. I really wanted to tell management to kiss it where the sun don't shine but i need my paycheck like i need air to breathe.
It does feel good to vent a little here online. Thanks for listening to me.
Reason 1. I took a work call today that the caller accused me of calling him a liar, i had not felt my heartbeat that hard in my life that i am still shaken up from the call. Reason 2. About a week go, my manager informed me that I should remove my Langston Hughes quote from my work email signature because it did go well with the company logo right beside it. Reason 3. During my mid-year review today, my manager informed that concerns had been brought to her attention that my screensaver of "The Wire" was offensive and made people make certain assumptions about me.
I will admit the screensaver may have some graphic scenes on it, as a dutiful and compliant worker bee who still needs the paycheck that pays her living expenses, I changed the screensaver to a work related one that I had previously downloaded.
After my review, I pondered the true nature in this rat race we work in called corporate America. I am the product of a revoluntionist aka Rev. Frederick G. Outlaw. I keep it deep seated. I really wanted to tell management to kiss it where the sun don't shine but i need my paycheck like i need air to breathe.
It does feel good to vent a little here online. Thanks for listening to me.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Saturday June 12, 2010
It has been a long day for me today. My day started at 5am. I hit the snooze button once knowing I needed to get up and moving to get ready for Race for the cure. I completed the race but I really felt like I was completely out of shape. I couldn't make on the hills and inclines, I was so out of breath and dehydrated. I have some serious work cut out for in getting trained to run a half-marathon in less than 6 months. I would really like to drop 40 lbs by then. I think that would make such a difference in terms of training.
I've just gotten home and showered from a co-worker's birthday juke joint/cookout/birthday party. He has a cousin that I feel there is an attraction. You know how you see a guy, you look at them, they look at you, there is a teeny tiny spark of interest or something. When I see him come to the house, I get a slight bit of excitement. I have never been one to approach a guy. We never really say anything to each other, so like teenagers I know. Then there is a friend of the birthday boy that another co-worker sadly attempt to hook me up with. I couldn't get this brother on the phone and barely got a reply to a FB message. I see him there. I know he knows who I am but never says anything to me nor me to him, another teenager/child thing. As I leave the party, I hug the cousin awkwardly. I think to myself as I'm driving away, why doesn't he make a move or something. I'm kinda old-fashion like that. A sista was looking very cute today because you never know who you will meet. I keep wondering when will I meet my husband, father of my future children, the person that I will spend the rest of my life with. I'm getting a little sad as I finish this up because as I look toward 35 years of age and I'm still single, it depresses me a little bit every day. Maybe because I'm racked full of emotions because it's that time of the month or the loneliness is just really strong this week.
I've just gotten home and showered from a co-worker's birthday juke joint/cookout/birthday party. He has a cousin that I feel there is an attraction. You know how you see a guy, you look at them, they look at you, there is a teeny tiny spark of interest or something. When I see him come to the house, I get a slight bit of excitement. I have never been one to approach a guy. We never really say anything to each other, so like teenagers I know. Then there is a friend of the birthday boy that another co-worker sadly attempt to hook me up with. I couldn't get this brother on the phone and barely got a reply to a FB message. I see him there. I know he knows who I am but never says anything to me nor me to him, another teenager/child thing. As I leave the party, I hug the cousin awkwardly. I think to myself as I'm driving away, why doesn't he make a move or something. I'm kinda old-fashion like that. A sista was looking very cute today because you never know who you will meet. I keep wondering when will I meet my husband, father of my future children, the person that I will spend the rest of my life with. I'm getting a little sad as I finish this up because as I look toward 35 years of age and I'm still single, it depresses me a little bit every day. Maybe because I'm racked full of emotions because it's that time of the month or the loneliness is just really strong this week.
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